Little Forever

Little Forever
They don't seem like much, but those two little words hold a whole lot of weight for me.

I know you don't mean it when you say it, but all I can think about is that little blue casket that will hold my baby's earthly form...little forever.

"Can't I keep you little?"

"Oh, how I wish I could stop time."

The list goes on. And on. And. On.

I, too, have noticed how quickly time passes when you watch your child grow, but I wouldn't stop it. Not for a moment. Not for all the gold in Heaven's streets.

I've watched time stand still. It's nothing anyone wants to witness. Ever. For us, the world kept going around us but we just stood there. There was CPR, his tiny feet bouncing under the weight of chest compressions, nurses running, doctors calling orders. It seemed like it took an eternity waiting for the telltale beep of the heart monitor, but we got nothing.

No more Luke. For him...for us, time did stop. Trust me, you have no idea what you're asking for.

Next time you're overwhelmed with how fast your baby is growing, do me a favor.

Hit your knees and praise God for allowing you to witness it for another day.

Take that baby who is growing like a weed outside, so he can pick you a chubby fist full of weeds. Put those "flowers" in a vase and declare how you have never seen a more beautiful arrangement. Watch it make him smile all over.

Give him a slice of pound cake at Mimi's house and take the time to notice how he'll now only eat the crusty top, just like his picky daddy. When you get home, write it in your journal of things you're scared you'll forget.

Marvel at that baby's need to watch the movie for the twelve thousandth time only to beg you to turn it off right before the bad part. Smile because you know he got that from you; heaven knows you've watched Steel Magnolias at least a thousand times, but you've only seen the part where Shelby collapses a grand total of three times.

Savor the giggles and notice how his grin wrinkles up his cute little nose. Smile at the way his eyes close to slits every time because he smiles with his entire face. Take a picture of it, but just for yourself...don't share it all on social media.

Smell his little head just one more time, and notice how his baby scent is slowly fading into the scent of dirt and sweat. Treasure it in your heart.

When you drop him off at kindergarten, sit in your car and cry because your baby is sitting in a classroom then thank God for allowing you to experience it. When he brings a bad note home for pushing his teacher to see exactly what his limits are with her, discipline him to the fullest extent but then laugh with his daddy about his spunk when he's not looking.

Cheer for that first hit he gets without the tee. Treasure the sweaty, dirty, and oh-so-happy red faced grin he gives you when he sees how proud you are of him. Don't miss it because you're looking at someone else's life on social media.

These moments are beautiful, precious gifts. Gifts we don't all get with all of our children. Gifts that some of us were anticipating with joyful hearts, but then we had them snatched away. Enjoy them. Every milestone your child reaches should be met with bittersweet celebration, but don't dread it. Mourn the end of every day because your baby will be a bit older tomorrow, but then pour your thankful heart out to God asking him to give you so much more to experience with those babies.

And do not ever wish for it to stop.

You have no idea what you're asking for.